Untitled (A Poem for Jenesis)

She lies in my bed
On her stomach
Sound asleep
Unfazed
Like this big ol’ world belongs to her
And the statistics don’t apply
She retrieves her second wind
Giving out tiny doses of unpatterned breathing
Her back arches as she inhales
Then exhales a bit of heaven into my atmosphere
I can’t hide my amazement
Evident in the tears welling up in my eyes
I quickly dismiss and brush away
Or sometimes allow to momentarily stay...

Embrace them like I do those dreamy smiles
I can sometimes catch if I’m lucky
Staring long enough at her face,
Said to be a miniature replica of my own
Hoping she will soon awake
And grace me with her cries of hunger
Or her poopy diaper
Those signs of life taken for granted by others
I sometimes find myself nudging her softly
Searching for those signs
Heart sprints
Breath held
Refusing myself that necessity until I see proof that she is still
Breathing
Living
Being
My miracle
She defies odds & breaks rules
She demands co-sleeping
Even when experts advise against it
Comfort when crying
Even when family & friends say she'll get spoiled
Babywearing in $100 wraps
Even when mommy thinks they're overpriced
Nowhere near old enough to walk
Yet she treads a different path
Has a mind of her own
Intentions as mysterious as the multiple threads of color that glisten within her brown eyes 
She's a little warrior in disguise
Fought to get here & not suffer same fate as her angel brother
Requiring numerous prenatal procedures & tests
She kept me on my toes while ordered to partial bedrest
Even at birth, refusing normal protocol
Following unrehearsed plans, didn't consult me at all
And all these magnificent things dance around in my head
As I watch this sleeping beauty recoup in my bed
I'm amazed at the depth in our connection
The irony in how, as the mother, I gave birth to HER
But somehow she turns around and gives ME life.

4-2013