Loved and Lost
  • Home
  • About
  • Book of Angels
  • Wall of Hope
  • Blog & Poetry
  • Support
  • Gifts
  • Contact

Articles, Poetry, & Stories

Untitled (A Poem for Malachi)

7/10/2018

0 Comments

 
[This poem was written between July 1 and July 11, 2011 by Jennifer “Xzotiqa” Allums]
   
I do believe this moment is part of His Master Plan
But as I envision my son’s fragile body cuddled in the palm of my hand
Mixed feelings fuel a struggle with insanity
Just comparing how other mothers put such a strong focus on vanity
Hoping their baby will have the world’s cutest curls
Or feeling angry at the thought of a boy because all they desired for was a girl
And here I lay--
Trying my best to portray
The ultimate image of optimism and strength
When in my heart I’m still in shock at the report that I’ll soon be saying my goodbyes
To the baby boy we went through such great lengths
To create
Trying to understand how to go about this experience
When not even a day will separate
The joy of life and sorrow of death
While this baby comes into the world awaiting his inevitable last breath...

Read More
0 Comments

Xander's Story

7/10/2018

0 Comments

 
I used to think that the saying “I can remember it just like it was yesterday” was so cliché. That it was something someone said when they were setting the stage for the embellished account of events that they were about to expel. But. I do. I remember it just like it was yesterday. April 24th, I was scheduled for a level two ultrasound and genetic counseling. I arrived at my appointment and took my place in front of the genetic counselor. We had a wonderful conversation about Xander. I spoke of my history and his father’s history. I recalled the miscarriages that both of our mothers had and I informed the counselor. We chatted a bit more and I was sent out to the sonogram room.

Read More
0 Comments

Untitled (A Poem for Jenesis)

7/9/2018

0 Comments

 
She lies in my bed
On her stomach
Sound asleep
Unfazed
Like this big ol’ world belongs to her
And the statistics don’t apply
She retrieves her second wind
Giving out tiny doses of unpatterned breathing
Her back arches as she inhales
Then exhales a bit of heaven into my atmosphere
I can’t hide my amazement
Evident in the tears welling up in my eyes
I quickly dismiss and brush away
Or sometimes allow to momentarily stay...

Read More
0 Comments

Catharsis

7/9/2018

0 Comments

 
​I wear my heart on my sleeve
Emotions wide open for all to see
And yet you still have no clue
Of what I go through
On a Daily Basis
Forced to wear masks
Fake smiling faces
No one on this Earth truly knows but me
Struggle to keep my head above a raging sea
Treading water with tired arms
Weighed down with residue of false alarms...

Read More
0 Comments

The Aftermath

7/9/2018

0 Comments

 
©Jennifer “Xzotiqa” Johnson-Allums 2011
​
Eyes burn a hole in spaces beyond my peripheral
Curiosity comes in the form of careless whispers
Could all be a figment of my imagination
Or possibly a premonition of what the future holds
My “Welcome Back” to the Real World--
Which will never view me as a mother
Until they see smiling baby pictures
Or are able to hear the latest stories of adorable infant occurrences
No, to the Real World I am no more a mother 
Than I was at age 7
Cradling my favorite doll in wishful arms
21 years later, these arms are now as empty as my womb…
​And they are sorry for my loss

​

Read More
0 Comments

    Author

    This is a collection of real stories, poems, and articles by people who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant.



    Archives

    July 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

This Website is Created, Designed, & Sponsored by Royal Queendom Enterprises LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved. 
  • Home
  • About
  • Book of Angels
  • Wall of Hope
  • Blog & Poetry
  • Support
  • Gifts
  • Contact